The flame is a primary Jewish metaphor for the soul. Judaism enjoins us to be careful lest we put out the flame of someone's soul through careless or deliberate words or acts. A few decades ago a Christian caterer started the idea of a candle-lighting ceremony for bar/bat mitzvah parties, thinking it's a nice, normal thing to do at a birthday party. Bar/bat mitzvah is NOT a birthday party in intent, it is about crossing the threshold from childhood to empowered Jewish young adulthood. Besides, Jews don't light candles on Shabbat, no less blow them out! Nor do we blow out Hanukkah or Yartzeit candles. So what could we do that would be more authentically Jewish to honor family & friends?